So,... the real reason I'm still up is because it's been a truly frustrating weekend. I know,... it's monday night!!! WTF does it have to do with the weekend?!?!? Well,.... that's how long my anger takes to dissipate! Dunno why really,... but I have to say that usually,... if it concerns my husband,... than yes,... it'll last this long. The good thing is that I started talking to him again,..... but still,.... replies are limited just so to prove that I AM STILL PISSED and not quite entirely appeased. Not appeased because he has failed to see the point once again and anyway,.... I think we've swept so many things under the carpet that I feel it's getting difficult to articulate it to him.
Here's the real problem..... I would like to get pregnant again! NOW!!!!! So now's been happening for the last 6 months,... to no avail.... the problem was that my cycle started moving off from the usual 28 days to 35 days,.... that's a good 1 week diff! But the good news was,.... that last month,..... it moved back to a 28 day cycle,... so perhaps it was regulated once again! So full of conviction that it was going to happen this month,.... I told my husband about it and even suggested that he forgo a company trip just so we could try! Boy was I so looking forward to it! So the fateful weekend arrived,..... *fanfare friday night*..... I suggest we get happy! He said he was tired. Perhaps it was his recent entertainment so I figured,... ok,... still got Saturday lah! Maybe Sunday if can push it a bit,..... No fuss! Then Saturday came and he wanted to go check out the car that he wanted to buy. So off we went,.... thinking ok,...he'd be a happy man,.... we could get happy after that! We come home and Boo falls asleep,.... he falls alseep as well,....
so now I actually get pissed! It's a good time to be alone! When she awakes she'll be in our faces!!!!! and then given the hour at which she sleeps and then wakes up because of the amount of time spent at the car showroom,...... we'd practically be awake as a family till midnight!!!!! By then,... we'd be too beat to do anything!!!!! True to my gut feel, he goes right back to sleep along side her and I'm left wondering like perhaps he doesn't want an enlarged family afterall. By Sunday,.... I'm too pissed to even talk. I finally pass a comment saying that he should have just gone on the company trip afterall. That's when things blew open somewhat.
Here's my take on why the baby should happen now (if possible)..... because I have to orchastrate another huge meeting in March. If I did get pregnant, I'd be at the tail end of the 1st trimester and would hopefully be less sleepy! Also, the baby would be due in September which means I'd get to miss the November meeting! I'd be on maternity leave from Sept to Dec! Wonderful!!! February would be a bad time to conceive because it'll be right splat in the middle of CNY and what are the chances we'd get some time alone?!??! Also,... then I'm be in the sleepiest mode ever come Mar meeting! March would be impossible because I wouldn't actually be home! Apr would mean that I spend Christmas in confinement?!?!? Now how do you tell so many things to the husband of mine who's got a listening attention span of a kid?
His argument is that we're suppose to enjoy the process of baby making which I don't deny,... but really,... at age 35, if we have to leave everything to chance and get happy only when we feel like it,.... it hugely diminishes our chances! That's not even taking into account the fact that he's travelling half the time so how many months are there left this year?
Here's another reason why I was hoping to conceive this month. It's my birthday! It'd be nice to give myself a birthday present! For once!
My other point to wanting this kid NOW is because I'm clearly in a dead end job. I have a title to which I don't do anything relevant and instead I'm an admin clerk! A highly paid admin clerk no less,.... but still,..... in anything you do,.... u need to enjoy it and not feel like a 2nd rate worker. So as opposed to that, it'd be fulfilling to not be working so that I could take care of my kids! But that can only happen when I have kidS! Then it would make more sense to stay at home! I pointed out my dead end job to which I said he couldn't afford to have me at home for now so I suppose, in an attempt to appease me,... he offers me 2k a mth. It's a good offer,.... but it doesn't make any sense! Why should I leave a near 5 grand job to stay at home and do nothing much? Boo already has a system going for her and to suddenly be at home while she still needs to run places would just jeopardise her system. Plus, I'd be missing out on nearly 16k CASH by not staying with the company long enough to enjoy the maternity benefits!
Here are the other reasons on why he managed to piss me off so badly,......
I think I've foregone some pretty good offers so he can soar with his business. He's done me wrong before and I chose to ignore that even though the thoughts are never far. I had a job which I was actually enjoying but the screw up was just too major to rectify had I stayed on in that job. So I've opted to be the fixed parent and give up on opportunities and that's why I think he is simply unfair!
Enough said,... I've vented my anger,.... perhaps now I can sleep,.... thanks for listening by the way.....
Good night!
